Genesis
by Day of Diana
Summary: They've landed on a new world. It's up to our heroes to figure out what's what. But in the meantime, there are plenty of dangers: dinosaurs, man-eating plants, and... forbidden interspecies romance? It's Jade's Reverse Harem, and there's plenty of love to go around.
1. A New World But She Has The Same Grin

_Well hey there everybody! The old story was deleted by some admin of FF, so I took the opportunity to freshen up the story a bit! It's been re-worked by my new beta-reader, Sifl-senpai, and might I say she did a bang-up job of it! I also contributed some edits, but Sifl helped me so much and I really must thank Sifl for her dedication and hard work. So thank you! And thank you to all of you readers, too. ;) Alright, anyway, I hope you all enjoy the new version! :D_

_This is a Jade's Reverse Harem fic. You've been warned. XD Who's your favorite pair to win? _

**DISCLAIMER: **_Oh gosh, do you really think I'd be writing fanfiction of these lovely characters if I had anything to do with the actual comic? No. And you know why? Because if I had it my way, Jade would get a lot more character development and I'd be so busy with that that I wouldn't have time for fanfiction. Lollerskates. _

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The first thing she noticed was that she was lying on something soft and pliable. Her head was elevated and she couldn't help but be reminded of those picnic days she and her grandfather used to have when he was alive- the peaceful days when she would use Bec as a pillow while they all watched the sun set over the ocean. The rest of her body agreed with her head as the patch of very fluffy grass underneath her was reminiscent of her childhood as well.

Then she could hear murmuring and quiet background noises- though only, it seemed, through one ear. A voice wormed its way into her semi-woozy senses.

"Jade. Jade. Come on, please wake up, Jade. You're breathing, you're breathing, you've gotta be conscious. Please wake up..." The voice grew a little more aggravated. "Bitch, wake up!"

Something rough papped her face and slid down to her neck, resting on the slow, but steady, pulse that beat there. She could also feel a slight weight on her stomach.

The voice, definitely male, was insistent and obnoxious, but gentleness and concern crept into it. "Don't die on me. Jade. You're breathing. You're alive in there. Come on..."

The fingers on her throat left and again touched her face, gently caressing it.

"Jade. Jade."

The boy's voice was progressively getting scratchier and weaker as he smoothed his hands down her hair, stroking her long black mane.

"Oh my gog. Oh my gog. Jade. Jade," He continued to repeat her name like a mantra, each word quieter than the last. Perhaps he was trying to keep himself from going into hysterics. Jade wanted to open her eyes and comfort him, to tell him she was alright, but she couldn't quite make herself speak up. She felt so tired. And his hands gently running through her hair weren't helping- they felt nice and were making her even drowsier.

"Fuck it. Fuck it all," he whimpered, and ceased stroking her hair. Jade could hear quiet sniffles and a slurping noise, which may have been the boy wiping his nose and eyes on his sleeve.

A new voice, mellow and deep and sweet, fell into Jade's ears.

"Aw, she's just all up on sleeping. Bet she's having some motherfuckin' kicking wicked dreams."

This new voice, so relaxed and soft, floated down from directly above her head. Not too close, though, as Jade couldn't feel the speaker's breath, but a few feet above her, hovering contentedly.

The first figure's tones grew more abrasive again, instead of remaining the mournful hush they had been. "How long has she been 'kicking wicked dreams', fuckass? A day? Two days? How about a whole fucking week? Gog damn it!"

"Calm your bone bulge, bro. I wouldn't be knowing all in that motherfucking bitch shit. Let it be. Nature's inside her, taking its course."

"Gamzee, we can't fucking afford to let "Nature take its course" with her any longer! Sollux already determined that she's deaf in one ear, and that she... well..."

Here there was another slurping noise, and Jade figured she'd heard enough. What was all this business about her being deaf in one ear? That couldn't be true...

She drudged up all of her energy and opened her eyes a bit. And gasped.

Right above her was one of the strangest looking creatures she'd ever seen. And she'd seen a lot of strange looking creatures in her time.

As soon as she'd drawn in that big gulp of air, the creature's chin tipped down to look at her, too. His eyes, a dark, gooey yellow color, brightened and his already-present grin, trimmed tidily with large fangs, widened.

"Well, hello. How the motherfuck was your dreaming being all up in your head?"

There was a moment of silence and Jade knew that the other boy, or... creature, was frozen in shock, staring at her.

She opened her mouth to speak, but only odd sounds came out instead. She then tried to sit up, but a sudden, calloused hand on her chest firmly pressed her down. She started to protest and question why she was being held down, but a second later her questions were quelled by the unbelievable ache in her brain. Her head began to pound and she clutched it, tried to shout out profanities, but again only babbling spewed forth.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa there little sister. Don't go to motherfucking sit up on us 'cause you'll get to hurting yourself and then Karkat my bro would be all motherfucking displeased by that shit. Right, best bro?"

Jade's eyes widened. She recognized that name, Karkat. Or she thought she did. Her thinking process seemed all jumbled up. Her brain felt foggy. She frowned.

"Right. Jade, can you hear me? Turn to your left if you can hear me."

She somehow did the exact opposite and turned to her right, where a big wall of black greeted her. Strange.

"Your other left, stupid. Come on." His voice sounded a bit muffled. What was that about her being deaf?

She ignored his commands and instead raised both of her hands to the wall of black blocking her view. When her hands touched the wall, it moved backward a bit and she thought she heard giggling from the creature above her. She experimentally moved her hands over the soft, wrinkled wall and more giggling could be heard.

"Oh my gog, Jade. Stop that. This is getting less done than when you were fucking sleeping."

"Aw, don't harsh her little hands, my motherfucking brother. She's on and walking all over my t-shirt. It's playing motherfucking fine."

Oh, so she was just feeling fabric from the nonchalant creature's t-shirt. This made sense- through that soft black cloth, Jade could feel hardened muscle- probably the creature's abdomen or something. That would explain why he was giggling. Her stomach was ticklish too.

Jade smiled in satisfaction now that she knew what this black wall was. She turned her head in the other direction, to where the other, shorter-tempered "Karkat" sat.

He was arguing rather one-sidedly with his calm companion. While his attention was elsewhere, Jade decided to observe him.

He was sitting on his knees so close to her that if she moved her head forward a few inches, she could probably touch the tip of her nose to his patella. Not that she was going to try that, though. He seemed a little too riled up for such antics.

He was wearing dark grey pants and a black long-sleeved t-shirt. She couldn't tell if he had shoes on or not, since his legs were tucked underneath him, but she imagined that the feet within them were bony and thin. She was surprised that she could recognize the grey symbol stitched onto his shirt, the astrological sign for Cancer. The t-shirt looked a bit loose on his frame even though it was obviously a small size itself. She allowed her thoughts to wander to his calorie intake before she focused on his face.

He had the same darkish yellow eyes with black pupils that Gamzee had, and a wide mouth full of what looked to be small, but sharp, canine teeth. His lips were chapped and black, contrasting a bit with the dry grey skin of his face, neck and (Jade noted his angrily flailing arms) hands. There were dark circles under his eyes, and though his face was contorted in building anger at the moment, she could spy many worry lines that were definitely permanent. Too many lines for one who looked so young. Her eyes traveled farther up his head.

His black hair was very unkempt; some of it stuck straight up in weird curls, though it was pretty short. And, did her eyes deceive her? She thought she saw nubby golden horns poking out of the raven mess.

Just as she willed herself to focus harder on those horns, Karkat happened to glance at her and saw she had her full attention on him. He stopped talking to Gamzee. His face relaxed and a small smile graced his mouth. Some of the worry lines erased themselves in that one smile.

His tone didn't grow any friendlier, though. "So. Now that you've finally decided to pay attention, I guess it's time to explain some things."

Jade narrowed her eyes at him. Explain _some_ things? He'd better fucking explain _all the things_. She was about to say this when he shooshed her by shaking his head. Gamzee put four of his fingers to her lips.

"Now you're just being stubborn. You know that you can't speak properly. We- and er, by we I mean... well, you can be introduced to the group later- we figured there was some damage to your brain. Sollux, the resident smart-ass, deduced that you would have a major problem in the language centers of your brain. Don't frown at me like that! We don't think it's permanent... hopefully. Don't fucking worry."

She raised her eyebrows. He was the one who needed to be told not to worry.

"Now, you're probably wondering where the fuck you are. And how long you've been asleep since we've been awake. And where your human friends are. So listen carefully: I'm going to say all of this very slowly and clearly, so that you get it all down. Ready?"

Jade nodded. She was all set to hear what he had to say, even if he did keep that superior attitude.

Karkat visibly swallowed and continued. "We think... we think we're on Earth."

Jade brightened. She would have exclaimed great relief at the news, but she knew she couldn't communicate without garbling her message. That, and Gamzee's hand still covered her mouth.

"The problem is, we're in kind of a weird time on Earth."

Jade's eyebrows rose higher.

"Yeah, we're kind of in that time on your planet when it was in its very early developmental stages. You know when you studied all that shit about the first... what was it? Mammaries and stuff? Yeah, pretty sure mammaries is the right word. Well, we're in that time frame. At least, that's what Dave told everyone. Fucker could be pulling stuff straight out of his ass."

Jade's eyes widened. As her brain processed this information, starting first with replacing the word 'mammaries' with 'mammals', she became increasingly frightened by the idea that she was in a time period when very dangerous things still roamed the earth. Giant, flesh-eating fauna; giant, poisonous flora. And were there dinosaurs? Shit. There were probably dinosaurs.

Gamzee must have perceived her growing distress, because she felt his other hand, the hand not pressed against her mouth, begin to stroke her hair, trying to ease her. It worked, to an extent. But she found herself wishing that Dave were soothing her instead.

Dave! That's right, Dave was alive! Karkat had said so!

Despite Gamzee's hand over her mouth, she babbled out her excitement about Dave. Karkat stared at her uncomprehendingly. Jade sensed that Gamzee didn't care that she was spewing nonsense through his fingers. The guy just kept smoothing down her hair, probably still grinning that easy grin.

"Uh, anyway... I'm going to keep talking, so if you want to actually hear what the fuckall important shit I have to say, you'll wise up and shut up."

Jade nodded her assent, quieting herself. She relaxed and began to enjoy Gamzee's petting more.

"So, as far as we can tell, you've been out for about seven days. I think Equius- you'll meet him later- woke up first and then, by degrees, all of us woke up. The last one was you."

There was some hesitation, some odd mixture of sorrow and fury in his tone, but Jade dismissed that. She was impatient to know more. What had caused her to be asleep for seven whole days?

"A few members of our group, the Alternian group, have died. Most were in comas before the crash anyway and died on impact."

There had been a crash? She tried to remember anything about a crash that had taken place. Unfortunately, her mind couldn't come up with anything. What, did she have amnesia too?

Jade studied the troll in front of her. She read scores of emotions on Karkat's face. But one stood out to her the most. Terrible, irrevocable sadness. Her heart clenched and she felt a strong surge of empathy. Someone very important to him must've died.

"And one person from your group died too. Rose LaLonde."

It felt like a hard blow to the stomach. Those two sentences hit her with such force that she gasped and shook for several minutes. Tears started to sting her vision and she let them run freely down her face. She couldn't move around very much, but she could feel her fists clenching and unclenching, her nails digging into her palms so deeply that she punctured her skin and the holes started to bleed. She pounded her legs into the springy grass and raised her fists to hit herself in the head. But in a flash, Gamzee took hold of both of her wrists, arresting her movements as if he knew what she was going to do. Someone else, not Karkat though, grabbed her legs and pinned them down.

She screamed and sobbed for a long time. Eventually, though, Jade ran out of tears and her throat was sore; she became tired and went limp. Gamzee continued to hold her arms and the other person was still sitting on her legs. She let them.

Karkat had a weary, pained expression on his face when he asked her soberly if he could continue. She took a deep, shuddering breath and gave the tiniest nod. That little dip of her chin sent ripples of pain through her head, but she kept her face composed. Though her cheeks were streaked with tears and her head was sore and her eyes were red and puffy from crying, she knew there was more to this sad adventure and she needed to hear it all.

"Right. Well, the others in your party are safe. No real harm done to them..." He trailed off, and Jade suspected he was hiding some further horrible information by the way he bit his lip and avoided her eyes.

He changed the subject. "Anyway, the point is, the rest of us are okay. We've managed to stay alive for a week in this time and location, and we're even trying to figure out how to transport ourselves into the future when human civilization is actually around and totally fucking fantastic. Sollux and I are working on that. It's coming along... pretty fucking slowly, but we're gonna keep at it. Yeah. And, um, Equius has built a small village, basically, and he's been hunting shit down for food. Well, I mean, it's not shitty food, it's meat and crap... er, anyway, we have food. And water, and shelter."

Karkat paused to give her a smile, but she felt so enervated and sick and sad that she just couldn't give him one back. So his mouth went back to its default position, while he continued filling her in on all that had been going on.

"And Gamzee, my moirail, has been taking care of you. He's been keeping you hydrated and fed and clean..." Karkat's monologue went on, but Jade's mind couldn't keep up. She was glad that the Alternian 'trolls' knew what to do in such a shitty situation as this, but she was still reeling over the fact that one of her best friends was dead.

She let her eyes wander with her thoughts until they stopped on Gamzee's form above her.

Oh. Jade suddenly realized that her head had been lying in his lap all along. Had this humanoid really been her caretaker over the past two days? Well, she didn't feel all that hungry, or thirsty, or dirty. He must have found a way to feed and hydrate her somehow. And give her baths? Uh... wait a minute.

Jade could feel her face heat up. Good god. This Gamzee... this male troll had probably seen her naked. Oh nooooo.

Meanwhile, Karkat kept blabbering. "And this is Tavros. He was kindly holding your fucking ungrateful legs down so that... um..." Karkat ceased speaking for a moment, having noticed Jade's rather prominent blush. "Er..."

"W-what's wrong?" A new voice inquired. It was quiet and extremely timid, so Jade didn't even note it until Karkat answered it.

"I dunno. Hey, do you think Sollux could read her thoughts? I mean, is that one of the things he can do?"

"M-maybe," the new voice stuttered. "D-do you want, uh, me to, um, get him?"

"Yes, and hurry."

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_So, I hope you liked the revised version! Next chapter is arriving tomorrow or the day after that, hopefully. Gosh, summer is such a busy time, isn't it? _

_Rose, I'm sorry I killed you. But if I hadn't, you would've been all over Kanaya and Dave. Cock-blocking Jade isn't cool, man. _

The Five Rules For An "Adam and Eve" Story

_By White*Knight (with help from Blue_Carriage_House) _

_1. There must be at least one 'Adam' and one 'Eve'_

_2. There is a 'Garden of Eden'_

_3. There is no other intelligent life around/ They're on their own_

_4. They're trying to get back home/ to a time period when there is organized society _

_5. Sex must occur_

_Thanks for reading! Please review, too. :)_


	2. 2ollux 2how2 Off Hii2 Mad 2kiill2

The owner of the voice obeyed, and the heavy weight lifted from Jade's legs. She was beginning to get over her embarrassment from her earlier thoughts and transitioned to feeling angry about the idea instead.

She furrowed her brow as low as she could in order to make her rage all the more unmistakable on her face. She glared up at Gamzee, who was happily staring off at something in the distance. How could he be in such a good mood? Where did all of his joviality come from? Was he high or something?

Jade wrenched both of her hands out of his grasp, and he let her go without any resistance. However, when she reached up to tap his face, he grabbed her hand and held it in place. He had a very tight grip and Jade felt her fury growing.

Karkat, meanwhile, was not amused by their antics. "Gamzee, I think she's mad. At you."

"Yeah?" Gamzee said in a dreamy voice. "I'm motherfucking mad too, bro."

Karkat scrunched up his nose and scowled. "Did you just make a joke?"

"Honk."

'What the fuck?' Jade thought, and succeeded in getting her hands back to herself again.

"Gamzee, that wasn't funny. I don't ever want to see you mad again. One time was enough." Karkat was glowering but his voice painted him with a secondary emotion. He sounded scared. "It's a damn miracle we found that pond of sopor slime."

Jade had no idea what "time" Karkat was referencing and fought confusion for a moment. She decided to focus on the more general questions in her mind. 'Sopor slime? The hell is that?'

"Motherfucking miracles sing wheelies in me all over the runaway rainbows. Honk," Gamzee singsonged.

'Whoa. There's definitely something weird about this guy,' Jade thought. She was still angry at him, though.

"Er, yeah." Karkat deflated. "You just keep eating that fucking sopor shit, buddy. It's way fucking better that way."

"Right on, motherfucker. That's what I'll soak up. I'm a motherfucking sponge for that tasty tar."

Was it just her, or did both of these trolls swear a hell of an awful lot?

Karkat sighed. "Yeah, I know. Good thing that pond replenishes itself," he mumbled.

They stopped talking then and glanced up- Tavros and a troll that Jade could only guess to be Sollux were meandering over to meet them. Gamzee started humming and Jade could feel his hands begin to pet her hair again, but this time she stopped his ministrations; she rapped his knuckles sharply and pushed his hands away from her head. Karkat started at this but stopped as confirmed for himself that she was angry at Gamzee for some reason still unknown to him. He didn't say anything about it for now. Likewise, Gamzee didn't speak, but he stopped reaching for her tresses. His humming also dropped in volume. Jade discerned that her actions had made him a bit unhappy. She told herself that she didn't care.

This newest troll huffed when he got within earshot. "Thith better be really fucking important, Kk. I wath doing thomething very cruthial to our well-being here."

Jade couldn't see either Tavros or Sollux at this angle; they were blocked by Karkat's body. However, her curiosity was piqued by Sollux's speech impediment. She used to have a lisp too, but it was never so noticeable as his was. How big were his fangs if he had to talk that way?

Karkat wasted no time in explaining the situation. "Jade's awake. But you were right in predicting that she wouldn't be able to speak clearly. Something in her think-pan is off."

There was a minute of musing on Sollux's part. "Tho, what do you want me to do about it?"

Karkat inhaled slowly, as if steeling himself for disappointment. "Can you read minds?"

Again, Sollux thought about this for a bit before answering. "Oh, I thee what'th going on. Okay. No, not in the way you'd think I could. I can't make out individual wordth, but I can interpret her pan's waveth and then maybe come up with a thentanth thhe might've thaid."

"Okay, fine. Can you do that right now?"

"Thure," Sollux said. He stepped around Karkat and Jade got a good look at him.

He wasn't very tall (maybe five foot seven), and he was wearing what looked to be the same kind of dark grey pants Karkat had on plus a black short-sleeved t-shirt. But instead of a Cancer symbol, this one had the astrological symbol for Gemini on it. Jade was starting to see a theme here.

But maybe those signs had nothing to do with astrology, seeing as she and they were from two different universes and probably assigned different meanings to things.

In fact, it was a miracle that they spoke English. Or a similar language to English, but that was just as well.

Sollux also had, like Karkat and Gamzee, grey skin. However, unlike them, he was wearing glasses with one red frame and one blue frame that obscured his eyes. Jade guessed that his eyes were similar to the other trolls' eyes anyway.

She was surprised by his teeth, though. He clearly had an overbite, and his fangs were protruding outside of his mouth. She could see that his teeth were kinda crooked. No orthodontists existed on their planet then, huh? Two pairs of short pointy horns stuck out of his head, and this would've alarmed her if she hadn't already seen Gamzee's pair of massive, twisted ones. And, strangely unlike Karkat's rumpled hair and Gamzee's wildly messy hair, Sollux's hair looked very nice. It shone in the dwindling sunlight, thick and smooth and perfectly cut. Jade wanted to ask him what shampoo he used. And she probably could, because he was placing both of his hands at her temples and concentrating on her forehead. Or her face. It was difficult to tell where he was looking, because of his shades.

"Mm, that'th interethting," Sollux murmured.

"What? What's going on?" Karkat asked. He sounded the littlest bit frantic. It was at this point that Jade came to the realization that Karkat was more worried about her than he appeared.

Sollux didn't bother to look up at Karkat as he answered. "Nothing to be panicked about, Kk. I jutht find it intriguing that her eyeth are tho diththimilar to ourth. Her iritheth are green."

"Oh," Karkat said quietly. "Yeah. They've always been green."

The three trolls surrounding Jade and Sollux were silent, waiting for Sollux's theory of what was going on in Jade's 'think-pan'. He was focusing so intensely on her forehead that even Jade waited with bated breath for his prognosis. His hands pressed on her cranium so hard that it began to hurt, and she struggled not to squirm. Finally, he took his hands off of her temples, and sat back from her head.

"Well?" Karkat demanded.

"Don't ruthh me. I'm thinking," Sollux grumbled.

Jade and the others waited while the Gemini carefully configured Jade's brain waves. After what seemed like a long time, he began to speak in a voice not unlike Jade's own, except with a pronounced lisp.

"I'm kind of embarraththed that Gamzee had to take care of me during the latht two days. I mean, I know that he was trying to keep me alive, but, thtill. I haven't known you guyth for very long and I dunno if I'm overreacting or not but I'd rather have not been wathhed by thomeone I don't know."

Karkat looked at Gamzee with a raised eyebrow, but the Capricorn cocked his head and shrugged.

'Oh, I guess he washed my hair without undressing me,' Jade thought. 'Well… oops. I got mad at him for no reason. Ah, I'll say sorry later.' For right now, though, Jade looked up at Gamzee with an apologetic grin. He ignored her. Boo him, then.

Sollux took a breath to continue, but then paused. Then he shook his head violently, as if trying to deny and banish something that had entered his mind. "Ugh... what the fuck, Jade. I didn't need to thee that."

Karkat glanced at Jade with a questioning look, but she shrugged. She had no idea what Sollux had taken from her mind, but his rendition of her thoughts was right on the mark.

Sollux resumed speaking in Jade's voice, "And I'm really exthited that Dave ith alive. Where ith Dave? Where ith John, too, for that matter? And oh my god, Rothe is dead! What the hell happened to her? Where's her body, I want to thee her, we need to have a proper funeral, oh my god. Oh, but I'm really thcared that there are fucking dinothaurth roaming the earth. Have you encountered any yet? And have you been able to kill them? Altho, you guyth look pretty weird to me. What'th up with your hornth? And your grey thkin? Gamzee, you need to comb your hair. You too, Karkat. Oh wow, Thollux, your hair is really pretty. Can I touch it? Hey, what kind of thhampoo do you uthe?"

The Gemini continued on in this manner for some time, listing all of the questions that had popped into Jade's head for the past hour. Throughout it all, Karkat and Tavros (who Jade still couldn't see clearly because he was sitting behind Karkat) listened attentively. Gamzee seemed to be completely out of it, though. He drank periodically from a pan of thick, acid green slime and more than once dripped some on Jade's face. She wiped it away, fuming at his carelessness.

Finally, Sollux was done speaking. Then he, Karkat and Tavros began talking. They were probably trying to figure out the best way to address Jade's numerous questions. Gamzee, content on not being the least bit helpful, slurped down more of the gelatinous slime. Sometimes the falling drops pattered on Jade's cheeks. Instead of cleaning her face off again (she knew it would be useless anyway), she let the beads of slime tingle against her skin.

The fluid felt cool; invitingly so. Jade's anger started to wane. She never could stay cross for long. Her gentle personality didn't allow for that. And besides, the troll above her was obviously quite out of it. Jade could give him a break. In all likelihood, he wasn't aware of anything he was dripping on her right now.

She was beginning to feel a little curious as to the nature of the oozy stuff. She did consider herself a scientist, after all. Why did Karkat say that it was better for Gamzee to be drinking it? Why did Gamzee like this shit so much? And... why wasn't he sharing any of it?

Jade licked her lips. Come to think of it, she _was_ a bit thirsty. And though the slime had the texture of Jell-O and would perhaps not slake her thirst as much as water could, Jade wanted to try some of the goo.

Since she was still lying across Gamzee's lap, it was a simple task to lift her arms up and gesture to the container of slime, then point at her own mouth. The only obstacle Jade thought was going to be present was convincing Gamzee to share his ostensibly much beloved 'sopor slime'.

But to her delight, it wasn't a problem at all. Jade watched as the Capricorn slowly looked from the pie tin to Jade's face, focusing on her mouth. Then he grinned and lowered the slime bowl towards her, raising one of his knees and lifting her head with his free hand to help her sit up.

Just as Gamzee was about to let the container touch Jade's lips, there was a collective gasp from the trio of trolls sitting not too far away from the pair. A second later the pie tin was flying through the air; someone had knocked it rather forcibly out of Gamzee's hand.

"Uh, Gamzee? Um, that would have, uh, been a bad idea. I mean, um, a _really_ bad idea."

Jade frowned. The troll who had denied her the taste of the slime had to be Tavros. Jade could see him now. And she thought, despite his timid voice, his physique was strangely imposing.

He wasn't all that tall. In fact, he was smaller than Sollux. And he wasn't especially muscular, although Jade could see some faint definition along his arms. He wore dusty tan cargo pants with lots of fun pockets and brown and white laced sneakers. His top ensemble consisted of an un-buttoned, short-sleeved black dress shirt over a black T-shirt stamped with a brown taurus symbol.

His skin, like all the other trolls' skin Jade had seen so far, was grey. And it needed lotion. His lips were black, and Jade could see the tips of his sharp teeth. However, what was most impressive about him were the gigantic horns situated on both sides of his head. Jade knew that it probably had something to do with his astrological sign; Tavros's horns reminded her strongly of longhorn bulls.

While she stared openly at Tavros, Gamzee said, "Aw, okay, my motherfuckin' bro. She just craved a taste a little. I wouldn't have gave her none at all if you motherfuckin' hadn't crashed into this fuckin' business."

Tavros nodded. "Um, sorry, Gamzee." And he truly looked the part of a remorseful friend.

The Taurus then noticed that Jade was staring quite determinedly at him. He blushed (or so Jade thought; his face turned significantly brown in color) and stumbled over his next couple of words.

"Ah, hi Jade, um..."

Karkat stepped in. "Oh for gog's sake. Jade, this is Tavros. He's also been helping to take care of you."

Sollux, for some unknown reason, snickered at this information. Karkat turned to glare at him. At least, that's what Jade imagined he was doing. Knowing quite a bit about Karkat's behavior, that's what she could see happening anyway.

The Cancer faced her direction again. He still wore a scowl. "So, to answer your hell of a long list of questions, we're going to take you back to the camp. It's down this hill, about a mile into that forest, near a river."

Karkat helpfully pointed off in the distance, but since Gamzee had lowered her back to lie down on the ground, she couldn't see where. But this was okay, as she wanted to stand up anyway. Then she would be able to see the encampment.

Why had Karkat and Gamzee brought her up here anyway? It was sort of far away from where the trolls had situated themselves. Perhaps for the fresh air of a higher elevation, or maybe so Gamzee could drink his dangerous slime away from the others? And about that slime...

Gamzee lifted Jade out of his lap, placing her head gently on the soft grass. Then he stood up. He was, she noticed with some surprise, freakishly tall. Around six feet, she thought, maybe even taller than that, not counting his monstrous horns. Jade tried to rise too, but the Capricorn prevented her from doing so. He stooped, scooped her up in his arms, and held her bridal style. Not for the first time that day, Jade was confused and irritated by his actions. She wriggled about, trying to make him drop her, but his grip just tightened.

Karkat, noting Jade's perplexed look and attempts to escape, explained. "You haven't been on your feet for a while, and we're kind of in a hurry. When the sun sets, the night prowlers will be on the move."

Jade froze. 'Night prowlers? Um, um...'

Sollux indicated the quickly sinking sun on the horizon. "We have half an hour to make it back. Thhould be enough time."

Karkat nodded. "Then let's go."

The group of five proceeded in an orderly fashion down the hill. Karkat led the way, Gamzee and Jade right behind him. Tavros and Sollux flanked Gamzee on the right and left, respectively.

As they walked silently down the hill, Jade had time to take in her surroundings. And at once, she discovered why Gamzee had chosen to bring her up here. It offered a much better view than a lower ground would have.

The hill was actually a small rise on an even taller mountain. All around them, bathed in the gold-pink light of the setting sun, was a lovely verdurous valley. And in that valley roamed the giants of the earth: Dinosaurs.

Though the dinosaurs were far away, Jade could spot a few of the larger ones. Apatosauri, she thought they were, with their long, graceful necks sweeping across the tops of trees, gathering mouthfuls of green, leafy foliage. It must be summer here.

In her excitement and awe of the land below, she opened her mouth to speak her appreciation of it. But as before, no coherent sounds passed her lips. Frustrated, she huffed and crossed her arms instead. Gamzee, aware of Jade's discontent, remarked on the very subject she had been trying to find words for.

"Ain't it motherfuckin' beautiful?"

Despite his crude description, Jade had to agree with him. She nodded her concurrence.

"The thpacethip we were riding crathhed in the valley," Sollux said suddenly. "We couldn't thtay there becauthe of the copiouth amountth of carnivorouth animalth. Tho we relocated to thith high altitude."

"... um, there aren't a lot of, uh, hungry creatures that are up here. Um, and I can persuade, uh, them to leave the camp alone. Usually," Tavros added.

Jade raised her head more to observe Tavros. He was blushing again, perhaps embarrassed by his boasting.

"Yeah, my motherfuckin' bro harshes the herd, and every bitter beast scrapes the motherfuckin' ground up to beat it," Gamzee supplied, grinning at Tavros.

Karkat looked over his shoulder to Jade. "You'll be perfectly fucking safe within the campgrounds. Those damned animals don't even come near our part of the river anymore."

She was grateful for their reassurances and relaxed. Gamzee's tight grip on her body loosened, and she had this odd feeling that he could sense her inner emotions with astounding accuracy.

They entered the forest. Jade glanced around at the densely packed trees. There was hardly a path for them to follow, but somehow Karkat picked a trail through woodland.

Now that it was nearing sunset, there wasn't much light filtering in through the thick canopy of leaves. Maybe trolls were more suited to nocturnal traveling, but Jade couldn't help but feel nervous by the absence of illumination in their current environment. The background noises that accompanied the environment were not helping either.

Tinny chittering, chirping and even the occasional croak filled her ears. And though Jade tried to concentrate on the treetops, the din nevertheless held her attention. Her mind flitted back to the jungle by her old home; the one that Grandfather brought back such dangerous creatures from. He had taken her on a few hunting trips with him, but eventually decided it was too slow going to partner with such a young girl. But even before then, Jade had had the common sense to judge that the jungle was too perilous to risk venturing into anyway.

She closed her eyes and tried to relax again. 'This forest isn't that jungle,' she told herself. 'There are no-'

There was a loud crunching sound and she jumped. Well, as much as it was possible to jump while being carried.

Karkat raised his hand to stop his followers, halting the party of five. The Cancer crouched, searching the ground. Everyone waited patiently for his findings.

He stood up not a moment later, holding something large, long, and stained with red.

"A bone," Sollux stated quite plainly.

"Yeah, and it's freshly pulled from some poor beast's socket," Karkat said.

Jade grimaced at that imagery. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Tavros make a similar face.

Karkat continued, the pitch of his voice slightly higher. "This isn't Equius's work."

They were all silent for a moment, contemplating the meaning of this. Sollux spoke up.

"Tho, we thhould keep moving. Preferably more quickly."

Four versions of agreement answered the Gemini, and the trolls picked up the pace through the forest.

Somewhere in the swiftly falling darkness before them, a murderous growl sounded.


	3. So Off They Run: To The Camp!

Everybody froze in their places. It was fortunate that Jade knew what not to do in these types of situations, otherwise she would've let out a very loud scream. As it was, she clamped her mouth shut and instead concentrated on the feeling of the life-saving hormone epinephrine starting to stir within herself.

Gamzee's grip on Jade, again, tightened. Perhaps he was afraid he would drop her in the ensuing chaos. Or more likely, he was trying his best to keep her secure; she had attempted to wriggle out of his clutches more than enough times. But she didn't want to go anywhere now. And no, that wasn't just because she knew she couldn't outrun whatever beastie was stalking them. It was more than that. She felt as safe in his arms as she had in her Grandfather's warm embrace.

How long had it been since she had had skin contact with another living creature? And how had she gone without? Well, whatever the answers to those questions were, she was glad she was being held close to the troll's body. She was protected.

"Everyone," Karkat whispered. "Everyone, stay calm. Fucking relax, okay. So, we don't have any weapons on hand. We're not going to run. That'd be fucking madness. Just hold your positions for a bit longer. Tavros, can you fucking commune with it?"

"Uh, um, working on it," Tavros said softly. Very slowly, he raised his hands and put four fingers to each of his temples.

They were all dead silent for a couple of minutes. More growls kept coming from the forest, though as far as Jade could tell, they were being issued from one animal. A lone hunter.

Tavros broke the quiet with his analysis, keeping his voice a murmur. "He's really, really, um, hungry. And, uh, he's sort of, um, deranged."

"Fuck..." Karkat muttered. "Sollux, can you, I dunno, fucking summon Equius or something?"

"I'm not Vrithka or Aradia, Kk. I can't control people'th mindth nor telepathically zoom thingth around... unlethth I'm high on fucking mind honey or thomething."

Karkat swore again. Jesus, did all of these trolls have filthy mouths? Well, she hadn't heard Tavros swear yet.

"Shit. Uh, you g-guys..."

Jade retracted her previous thought.

"H-he's gonna j-jump. On J-jade."

She barely had time to think 'Oh shit!' before several things happened at once.

The beast struck, lashing out at Jade's head with its marvelous claws. Karkat, it seemed, was ready to go at it. Armed with a sharp stick, the Cancer stuck it right through one of the creature's eyes. Gamzee, at the same moment, passed Jade to Sollux, who was just as surprised as the girl. Luckily, Sollux managed not to drop her (probably because Jade clung to his neck for dear life). Then Gamzee kicked the animal in the snout, which sent it reeling backwards. Its howls of pain reached new levels of volume. Jade could feel its shrieks of agony trill down her spine.

"Run, motherfuckers, RUN!" Gamzee shouted to Sollux and Tavros, who both immediately took off sprinting through the forest. The Gemini, in a moment of clarity, slung Jade across his back, piggyback-style, while continuing to run.

Jade's reaction was to bury her face in his neck, but when she heard animalistic snarls she whipped her head in the direction where those two brave, stupid trolls were fighting the prehistoric predator.

There was a split-second before the trees obscured her vision when she could see something large, green, and reptile-like slash at something small, grey, and humanoid.

"No!" she cried out.

But then the trees blocked the fight from her view and all she could do was hope that one of them had not been taken down permanently. Not before she had gotten to know him. Oh god, don't dwell on Rose, don't think about Rose...

Too late. Jade began to think about Rose and her untimely death and she just couldn't stop the tears. She turned her face back to Sollux's shirt and cried onto it, soaking a good portion of it. But minutes later, thinking it rude to get the Gemini's shirt so wet (and that it definitely wasn't the time for tears now), she forced herself on to other thoughts.

She understood why Gamzee had handed her off. Sollux was a very fast runner, and he didn't seem to mind the extra weight. Tavros, too, was keeping pace with them, despite his short legs.

Sunset was almost upon them. What little light shone through the cracks in the trees was rapidly changing hue from gold-blue to violet. She knew that they would make it to the camp in time, but the falling darkness still unsettled her.

In a few more minutes, they arrived at a large clearing in the dense forest. And within that clearing, there was the camp.

It was, like Karkat had said, a miniature village. There were nine two-story log cabins built around a central fire pit. Four of the cabins looked to be in their preliminary building stages; they each had one story but no roof.

There were several of what seemed to be drying racks around the fire pit. Many had meat on them, a few had skins. Not furry animal skins, mind you. They were scaly dinosaur skins. Whoever had gone through all the trouble to kill a dinosaur just to get a couple of rugs, Jade was sure she didn't want to meet him. Or her. Come to think of it, now that she thought of it, where were the rest of the trolls? John and Dave too, where were they?

But there was someone. By the light of the fire, it was another troll. He was sitting on one of the logs close to the pit, warming himself and keeping an eye on a hunk of meat that was roasting.

He looked to be fairly tall and thin. His hair defied gravity; it was styled upwards and, if Jade squinted, looked like a pile of whipped cream. He had a long blue on blue scarf wrapped around his neck, and a long-sleeved black sweatshirt with a light fuchsia colored Aquarius symbol on the front. She noted his thick-framed hipster-style glasses. His pants, strangely, were stripped blue and navy (they looked like pajama bottoms to Jade) and he wasn't wearing shoes.

His horns bent sharply at two points, making them wavy like his hair and astrological sign. His face had a mean look to it; he scowled as he stared at the dancing flames. Jade noticed he had two fin-like protrusions in front of his ears. She wondered why. Of all of the trolls she'd seen so far, none of them had these appendages on their faces. Maybe they each had them in different places? Mmm... wait, why the hell was she even thinking about that? There were more important things at hand to worry about!

Sollux and Tavros jogged to the fire pit. The troll sitting there looked up and greeted them with a deepening of his frown.

"Eridan! Where'th Equiuth?" Sollux demanded. His voice warbled slightly as he said it.

"Wwhat? Wwhy do you wwanna knoww?" The troll spat back. Clearly, he was not in a good mood. And what was up with his weird accent?

"Uh, um, er, there was, um," Tavros stuttered and stumbled over his words too much, so Sollux took over.

"There ithn't time to talk, you dipthhit. Where the fuck is Equiuth?"

Eridan sneered but provided an answer. "Far as I knoww, he's upstairs in his respiteblock."

Jade barely had time to question the word 'respiteblock' before Sollux handed her none too gently to Tavros, who crumpled under her weight.

"Thorry, Tav- I've got to hurry. Take care of Jade!" Sollux dashed to one of the cabins and within a minute he and another troll rushed out of it and into the woods. Eridan watched them go.

Jade groaned. Her head throbbed. She put her hands to her temples and rubbed them, grimacing. She ached and her throat was dry and she was scared for Karkat's and Gamzee's safety. She felt like crying again, but she knew that wouldn't help the situation.

"Um, Jade? Could you please, uh, get off of me?" Tavros wheezed.

'Oh, right! Oops.' Jade rolled off of the small Taurus. She didn't trust her legs just yet. She tried to say sorry, but nonsense came out instead. Damn, this was frustrating.

"It's, um, okay," Tavros said, standing up and smiling at her. He really was tiny, for a male. An inch shorter and they would be the same height.

Tavros helped her sit on one of the logs by the fire pit, but her equilibrium was still off and she almost fell right over. Tavros supported her with one of his hands on the small of her back, but she was still wobbly. Finally, she decided to sit in front of the log. She was closer to the fire this way anyway, and this was cool with her, since she could feel the temperature was beginning to drop steadily.

After a few minutes of awkward silence, with Eridan glowering, periodically turning the spit and Jade trying not to cry and Tavros throwing little sticks into the fire, the Aquarius spoke.

"So... wwhat the fuck is goin' on, Tavv?" He asked in a frigid tone. Jade got the feeling that this Eridan guy didn't get along with the others so well. Or maybe it was the other way around. But then again, perhaps the feelings were all mutual. Damn, troll relationships _are_ confusing.

"Well, um, Jade woke up today, uh-" Tavros started timidly.

Eridan's lips curled. "I can see that. Wwhat I meant wwas, wwhere the fuck did Sol an' Eq scuttle off to just noww? Wwait, wwait, don't tell me. To break up a fuckin' cock-fight betwween Kar an' Gam? I alwways kneww those twwo imprudent landdwwellers wwouldn't make it as moirails."

"...uh, no, um, that's not what happened. Gamzee and, um, Karkat are fighting a, uh, clawbeast. Sollux, um, and Equius went to help. They should, er, be back soon."

For some reason, this seemed to make no impression whatsoever on Eridan. Indeed, he only sighed heavily and poked the hunk of roasting meat with a sharp two-pronged stick.

"Wwhatevver."

'"Wwhatevver?"' Jade thought angrily. 'Oh, I mean: "Whatever?" Grrrr, this guy... if I could speak, I'd give him such a tongue-lashing!'

As it was, though, Jade punched him hard on the tender skin of his upper thigh.

"Oww!" The Aquarius yelped, turning his glare from the meat to the green-eyed girl. "Wwhat'd you do that for, you bitch?"

Jade made a face and whacked him again. If she could've stood up, she would've given him the best shiner, with or without his stupid hipster glasses on his smug alien face.

"Whoa, Jade, um, stop please," Tavros pulled her back by her shoulders, but she wrenched out of his grasp and tried to beat Eridan again.

However, Eridan simply moved to another log on the other side of the fire. He stuck his tongue out at her. If she had cared enough, she would've mustered the surprise to see that the muscle was a light fuchsia color; like the symbol on his sweatshirt.

"Stupid bitch," Eridan said, though without any real feeling behind the insult. "Hey, I used to knoww a girl like you... then I killed her."

He sneered. Jade could see all of his razor-sharp teeth. But she glared right back at him, willing her oncoming tears to hold back for just a bit longer.

"Jade, um," Tavros said quietly, "It isn't, uh, a good idea to, um, rile him up."

'Thank you Tavros. I know that now.' Jade glanced back at the Taurus, trying to communicate with her eyes. 'I just thought I'd take some of my sadness and anger out on him because he looks like such a pussy (and he speaks like one too), but I guess he has the guts and enmity to compete with the big dogs, eh?'

It seemed, however, that Tavros could not understand what she was conveying to him telepathically. After her stare had lasted longer than a few seconds, he became flustered and chose something else to regard. Jade noticed that he had blushed again and puzzled over that fact. She didn't recall any previous conversations with him that would cause him to act so nervously around her. Perhaps he was just shy by nature. D'aww. Well, she could help him with that. She used to be extraordinarily shy herself.

The tears that had been threatening to flow free slipped silently down her face now. She was too tired and parched to choke on huge sobbing gasps. Speaking of hydration...

Jade wiped her face clean with her sleeve and then put a hand on Tavros's knee. He started and his gaze turned towards her once more.

"W-what is it, Jade?" he asked.

She made a cup with her hands and brought it to her mouth, pretending to drink from it.

"Oh. Sure, I can get you some, um, water." Tavros smiled at her. He stood up. "I'll be, mm, right back. Don't get into any, um, trouble, you little rascal."

Jade grinned back and nodded.

Tavros walked off to one of the cabins, and Jade was left to wonder if Equius had already installed indoor plumbing for his troll-mates. She let her mind wander to what Equius might be like. She hadn't gotten a good glimpse of him when he and Sollux had raced into the forest. Oh well. They'd all be back soon... hopefully.


	4. Jade Meets NotDave & Other People

_It's been a long time, folks. A long, long time. But updates WILL DEFINITELY become more regular now that I'm finished with the school year. So, without further ado, I present to you chapter five! _

**DISCLAIMER: **_Jade SHOuLD be the object of the most affection in a harem, but she isn't. So that's why I'm writing this. I am not The Huss, it is not me. His characters belong to His Royal Majesty of the Pursed Lips, not me. I only give them bizarre and awkward scenarios to live in. _

_Thank you so much to my awesome readers and reviewers! I love you all very much in a non-lesbian way. :D_

B) ++++++++++++++++++++ B)

After Tavros had returned with Jade's water, Eridan had announced that the meat on the spit was ready for consumption. He asked Tavros to fetch 'the others' from the river that was near the campsite. Jade was excited at this, as she thought that she would finally get to see Dave and John.

She had previously wondered what and how her friends had been doing since the little group of teens had crashed onto prehistoric Earth. Surely they had been off doing something very important, otherwise they would've been there for her, witnessed her waking from her concussion.

She tried to wish the small Taurus good luck but only managed to bungle her words again. In the back of her mind she was beginning to panic about never getting control over her speech, but she maintained an outward calm. It was only the first few hours after she had woken up after a nasty crash. Karkat had said that he didn't think the effects were permanent (she didn't know if she could trust his judgment, though... but perhaps he had human medical knowledge somehow?), and Jade knew that if the symptoms persisted for more than two weeks she _really_ had to worry. Everyone had been banged up a bit; her injuries were only slightly more serious than what anyone else had sustained. She had noticed that Gamzee, Sollux, Tavros and Eridan all had cuts, bumps and bruises, and Karkat had tried to hide a faint limp all the way down the hill. Of course, with the Cancer leading the tiny party, it only served to make his uneven gait all the more visible.

Tavros managed to get the gist of what Jade was trying to say to him anyway and thanked her. Before he obediently went off in search of the others, he told Jade that he would be back from the river shortly, and whispered privately to her to not attempt to get on Eridan's nerves. She rolled her eyes at this advice but nodded to show she understood. After seeing how surly and on edge Eridan was, there was no way she would be stupid enough to endeavor to get a rise out of him. She knew what angry creatures could do; she had known from a very young age.

Jade sat still and silent against her log while Eridan went about carving up the meat. He held a knife fashioned out of what Jade supposed was dinosaur bone and deftly cut large slices of flesh. He piled the portions on one huge flat rock, which Jade thought functioned as a serving plate. For being in as bad a mood as Eridan was in, and as far as Jade was certain that he didn't get on well with the other trolls, much less get along well enough with them to fix a group dinner, he went about preparing the food with no complaints (like she would've listened and/or responded to his grievances if he'd had any, ha ha). Perhaps he was the designated chef? Maybe he just liked to cook? But if he did, then why did he do it with a scowl on his face?

She watched him work absent-mindedly, occasionally sipping from her cup of water. Her thoughts eventually drifted to John and Dave and then further as she began musing on the whereabouts of Davesprite. She couldn't remember when or where she had last seen the orange, floating coolkid. Damn her habitual forgetfulness! Her mind wandered again until it blazed a path along recent revelations of deaths. Without even consciously meaning to, she started planning a eulogy for Rose. They had to have a memorial service for the lavender-eyed girl. And... hadn't Karkat mentioned a lot of deaths on the trolls' side too? Might as well hold a funeral for all of those people, while they're at it.

Waitaminute.

Karkat.

...Gamzee, too.

She had a small moment where she hoped to all of the guardians of the various universes across space-time that the Cancer and the Capricorn had not, or would not, join the deceased after their fight with the dinosaur. She banned the blurry picture of a grey, human-like figure being slashed by a green, reptile-shaped creature. Why had that image been the last she had seen of either of them?

She could only imagine what conditions they were in until she saw them return safely. And my, my, what an imagination she had.

*Imaginary sequence of terror deleted for the sake of the reader's feels* ~ _as suggested by Blue_Carriage_House_

She noticed that her body was shaking slightly, even after her private hellhorror theatre. Wearily she held her hands up to her face, willing them to cease their incessant quivering. She wished she could have helped the trolls somehow instead of sitting uselessly in the camp like some ineffectual rag doll, scaring herself half to death.

' ...Good grief,' Jade thought. 'When did my life become a Korean soap-opera?'

She chuckled a little at that idea, but couldn't stop a familiar burn sting her eyes as they began to well with tears.

Even though Sollux and the mysterious, apparently most combat-versed troll Equius had probably arrived in time to aid their friends, she allowed herself a little pity-party all the same. Not because she needed it, but... oh who was she trying to fool. Sometimes a girl's just gotta blubber until she feels better. Not that Jade did this kind of thing a lot, but right now she felt it was necessary. There was no reason to keep her grief and fear bottled up, even if she was in the presence of an unfamiliar, judgmental alien.

She sobbed for a short time, softly, her knees pulled up to her chest and her face buried in the hollow within her skirt. Once or twice Eridan glanced at her, but never said anything. His expression had changed from a scowl to something more subdued, and he chopped at the meat with less fervor than before. The Aquarius almost looked uncomfortable, now. This was probably due to Jade having been a wide-eyed statue during her daytime nightmare (she often froze in place while experiencing imaginary, drawn-out terrors) and then having a good cry.

Jade had a feeling he didn't know how to comfort her.

Well, he could at least _try_.

'Ugh, forget it. I dunno why, but I get the impression you would only make me feel worse. Jackass.'

Well, that was unfair. She didn't even know the guy. But that didn't mean she couldn't unleash her mental anger on him while she was feeling sorry for her friends... and herself, to an extent. He was just such a convenient target. Look at his haughty (though right now it was more kind of a tense) expression! And his pants! Who wore pants like that?

He probably knew she couldn't speak coherently anyway, so it really _was _difficult for someone in his position to help her, but even if she could talk Jade doubted he would initiate and engage in conversation with her, even to ask why she was, or rather had been, crying. He didn't exactly seem like a people person, given the way he so easily dismissed the fact that Gamzee's and Karkat's lives were, or had been, in mortal peril.

'Screw you.' But cursing him in her mind wasn't really making her feel better. The distraction he provided was enough, though, to keep her grounded. 'Humph. I need to teach you some manners, Mr. Fishface.'

In a while Eridan was done with cutting up the meat. The black-haired girl peeked up from her skirt, eyes still red and raw. She tried to convince herself not to rub at them.

Eridan placed the bones the leg had held on a small stump covered with a skin, presumably to dry them to use for another purpose later. Jade approved of making use of the whole animal. She watched what he was doing intently, glad for the diversion from her melancholy thoughts.

He took another, smaller flat rock and slapped a slab of meat onto it. It was somewhat amusing to her that Eridan had all of these primitive kitchen tools. She perked up with curiosity when he started seasoning the piece. So he did have experience with cooking! More experience than she had speculated, anyway. This was interesting. Jade watched with more attention, and also gave in to wiping her eyes and nose on her sleeve. It was disgusting, but she didn't have any alternatives. Not even some leaves.

Watching Eridan work was oddly calming. With his practiced, graceful movements he successfully, if unknowingly, hypnotized Jade into a far more relaxed and famished state. When he started pouring a thick, syrupy sauce all over the meat, her mouth was practically watering.

The Aquarius moved on to the next steak, handling it with the same treatment. During the second preparation Jade's stomach started to growl. She hadn't even noticed that she was so hungry (probably because her thirst had overwhelmed her first), but she suspected her ravenousness was caused by her seven or more day fast during her faux coma. Gamzee and Tavros probably hadn't shoved a lot of food down her throat because 1) they hadn't wanted her to choke and die and 2) it was hard enough feeding an unconscious person without giving her large portions of nutriment.

She was snapped out of her hunger-induced stupor by the finned boy's voice.

"Try some of this, then nod if you wwant it on your comestibles," said Eridan, coming around the fire with a small bowl. It held the sauce he had been glazing the steaks with.

She took the bowl and by way of showing her appreciation smiled at him, but he did not return her happiness. He sat down on the log beside the one she was leaning against, waiting for her to taste the condiment.

She dipped her pinky finger in it and raised her finger to her lips, but then paused. What if she was allergic to this stuff? She thought about it. She was allergic to many non-food related things, such as dander and pollen and bee stings, but there was always a chance that she could be sick from whatever was in this sauce. Better ask what went into it.

She turned to Eridan but he was staring off into the distance, a blank expression on his face.

She knew that face, she knew it very well. He was zoning out. She sighed, and then grabbed at his pant's leg. This startled him and caused him to focus on her with a mild frown and a crease between his brows.

"Is there a problem?" he queried, irritation more than evident.

She gestured at the sauce and lifted her eyebrows in what she hoped read as a questioning look. He glanced from the bowl to her and seemed to understand.

"You wwanna knoww wwhat's in here?"

She nodded eagerly, smiling again.

He huffed and crossed his arms as if this was an inconvenience to him. "Wwhy? You don't trust me?"

Oh. Oooooh. Wait, what? Eridan wasn't vengeful, dumb, or unskilled enough to have poisoned the sauce, right? Right. Shame on her for even thinking that. Then why wouldn't she trust him? He hadn't given her a real reason not to, despite his moody attitude and threat against her... but she was pretty sure that had been an empty taunt. And if Tavros had left her with him, that was even further proof that she could trust Eridan. Tavros wasn't an idiot (as far as Jade could tell); he wouldn't very well leave an injured, unarmed girl with someone untrustworthy, despite how that person behaved sometimes.

Maybe he was referring to some trust-issue incident from Sburb, wherein she had doubted his honor? No, she was almost certain she hadn't even talked to him in Sburb.

'Were you just being pissy, Mr. Barefoot Hipster?'

She shook her head and gestured again to the sauce. He again looked miffed, and she realized that by questioning the ingredients in the sauce it was like questioning his ability to prepare and use such a sauce. He hadn't been asking if she trusted him on a _personal _level_, _no; Eridan had used a roundabout way of asking why she wasn't giving his dressing a chance. She had, inadvertently, insulted his cooking. And to make matters worse, she hadn't even sampled it yet.

Well... fine, she'd try it. There probably wasn't anything in it that would kill her, at least.

She took a deep breath instead of blowing a raspberry and again raised her pinky to her lips. She was aware that Eridan was watching her without trying to seem too interested in her reaction. Whenever she made as if to glance his way, he quickly jerked his head in another direction. It was funny the first two times.

After a few seconds of messing with him, Jade licked her finger.

The sauce was smooth and tangy with a spicy kick at the end, just right for a steak. As Jade sucked the last traces of the stuff off her digit, she could feel a slow smile spread across her face. She attempted to plunge her pinky into the bowl again to taste-test more of it, but Eridan quickly snatched the container away from her.

"No double dippin'," he said sourly. Then, in a slightly softer tone, "I guess you wwant it?"

She inclined her head and grinned weakly. 'You know, for being a douche-pants, you really know how to curry favor!'

He didn't grin back, but instead went around the campfire to finish preparing the steaks without so much as another word.

B) ++++++++++++++++++++ B)

After Eridan was done preparing dinner, he told Jade that he would be back momentarily and walked off to the back of one of the cabins, muttering about digging a hole in the ground.

'I guess we don't have indoor plumbing after all,' Jade mused. 'Then I hope that water I drank was clean...'

She stared into the depths of the fire, welcoming wave after wave of undulating heat that washed over her. Eventually her front-side became way too hot and her backside was cold, so she turned around.

She faced the forest now. Although it was a little ways off, she could see the tightly packed trees clearly in the brilliant starlight. A small opening between two of them marked the exit that she, Sollux, and Tavros had come barreling out of only half an hour before. Jade squinted at it, willing her poor eyesight (she seemed to need a better glasses prescription, curiously enough) to pick up any approach of the little party whose return was somewhat overdue. Not that she wanted to worry herself into a ball of stress, but there wasn't anything else that was pressing on her mind so insistently as her friends' well being.

However, maybe one thing could relieve her nerve-wracking thoughts, if only for a moment: Dinner.

She was still very hungry and the tantalizing smell of supper had been teasing her nose since Eridan had first started adding flavor to the medium-rare meat.

Jade looked longingly over her shoulder at a dish carrying the biggest slice. She wasn't even sure she would like dinosaur meat, but, she figured with Eridan's supposed cooking prestige he could make anything taste delicious. And she felt voracious enough to eat even the barnacles off of a baleen whale, so who was she to pass up a succulent, slow-roasted steak- even if it was made out of questionable contents?

Now if she could just get over there.

Forgetting briefly that Eridan or someone else would assist her if she would just wait to be served, Jade attempted to rise. She was lifting herself to stand up from a kneeling position when she was hit with a dizzying spike of vertigo and promptly fell over, narrowly avoiding a log to the noggin. She twisted herself at the last millisecond and was grateful when her mouth filled with earth instead of blood.

"Wwhat the hell wwere you doin'?" came an extremely cross voice somewhere over her head. "You coulda killed yourself, you knoww that? I swwear, you humans can't bait a hook wwithout wwoundin' yourselvves somethin' awwful."

Her ears burned red-hot and she fisted her hands into the dirt. She wanted so badly to retort, but knew she would only make a bigger fool out of herself if she tried. Sighing and turning her head so as to be able to breathe better, she managed to smear some soft soil onto her cheeks. Even if it made her dirtier, the grime helped conceal her embarrassment.

She had no intention of removing herself from the ground even as Eridan verbalized this idea.

"J-jade! Um, is everything, uh, g-good, over there?" A panicky Tavros burst onto the scene. From Jade's advantageous position, she could hear even more people arriving, ostensibly just in time to have seen her fall over. Great. Just as planned. Whoopee.

A new voice floated over to the Aquarius and green-eyed girl. The sound of the speech was light but ample, sweet and melodious and had just the barest hint of emphasis on every single word spoken.

"Goodness me, are you quite alright, Jade?" The speaker's tone flaunted concern but hid amusement and was coming closer with each word. Jade felt arms grab around her waist and hoist her up, disregarding her emphatic, telepathic wishes to remain face down in mortification.

Her lifter propped Jade on a log that she traded for the clearing floor immediately, lest she humiliate herself by falling ass-first outside of the campfire circle. She closed her eyes and leaned against her log-seat, pretending to doze.

"Is she okay?" Another voice that Jade had not heard before, this one higher in pitch, more cheery and younger-sounding than the other one. And somehow there seemed to be an underlying hum to her words... something like a purr?

And then... a voice she had been waiting to hear since the moment she had awakened. The smooth, crisp, slightly accented and always ironic tone of one of her best friends in the world.

"She's fine. Did you see how expertly she escaped the hellacious assault from that log? Girl was given a second's warning and still dodged the affront, like a goddamn ninja-pro wrestler turned reality television star, lecturing daughters across the globe on how to brawl with the big boys and come out fucking unscathed, without a single hair out of place and all her dignity intact like a priceless Ming vase selling at one trillion dollars on Antiques Roadshow."

Her eyes popped open and her mouth was already forming his name before she could stop herself.

"Dave!"

Five pairs of eyes snapped to her and stared. And she saw her mistake, but it was too late to take it back, too late to swallow that joyfully shouted word down into her throat. She didn't feel disappointment, but rather a kind of unhappiness that seeped into her heart and would not dissolve until the real form of her friend was healthy and whole in front of her.

This boy was not Dave, though he used the same long-winded, ironic metaphors as he did, wore a pair of righteous, though pointed and triangular, shades and sported a coolkid T-shirt with black, loose-fitting jeans and white sneakers. His hair was wet and the same color as Dave's, though it hung limply at his shoulders. One of his eyebrows was quirked and his mouth was curled into a smirk.

Jade faltered and slumped against her log again. She hadn't even realized she had arched herself off of it in an attempt to launch herself at her best friend.

"Sorry, but I'm not my bro. That shouldn't have worked on you, Harley. I haven't pulled that one since the last time you found it entertaining, and believe you me, the joke wore itself out pretty quickly."

What was he talking about? This was the first time she'd ever seen him, let alone been tricked by him. It was a very good impersonation of Dave, but now that she had heard his real voice and could start to see his personality seep through his facade, she could hardly believe his claim that he was related to the red-eyed boy.

"Not... Dave? Who...you?" Jade surprised herself by speaking. Tavros perked up and looked confused for a moment, then beamed. Everybody else was more or less equally impressed with her intelligible words, if not outwardly.

"That's great, Jade!" the Taurus exclaimed excitedly. "Hey everyone, did you hear that?"

"No, wwe're all deaf, you stupid piece a shit. A 'course wwe heard it!" Eridan scoffed.

The troll sitting to the right of Jade narrowed her eyes and sharply said, "Be nice or don't say anything at all."

Eridan wilted a bit under her glare but shrugged and directed his glower at the ground. "Not my fault Tavv is a sloww sea-slug movvin' against the current," he muttered. Everyone ignored him. Well, everyone except the subject of the jab.

"I, uh, think I resent that," said Tavros.

The Aquarius snorted but kept his comments to himself, warily eyeing the troll who had spoken in defense of Tavros.

"Well," not-Dave said calmly, clasping his hands together, "This is an very nice surprise, certainly. Sollux informed us that you wouldn't be able to articulate properly and that you would possibly require extensive speech therapy, along with surgery to repair both of your vestibulocochlear nerves. The surgery still needs to happen or you'll be deaf in one ear and afflicted with vertigo for the rest of your life. Roxy and I will perform the operation. Please, do not look so alarmed. We are trained professionals... more or less. You do seem to have already gained some skills back, or perhaps just retained a limited vocabulary and how to construct simple sentences. That's fantastic. Unfortunately, I perceive another, greater difficulty that we have not been apprised of by Sollux's various examinations of your brain."

Not-Dave paused to take a breath and let the information he had swiftly imparted percolate.

"Jade, I believe you have partial amnesia."

Oh no. And she had just been joking about that to herself earlier, too! But maybe he was right... all of the people she'd met today seemed to know a great deal more about her than she had about them.

At least she didn't have a total memory meltdown. She could still remember Dave's last words to her aboard the ship. Yes, the ship that had taken them through the Victory Door, she remembered it! His words had been very important; she would always recall his exact words and treasure them, those tiny sparkling gems. Wait, what had he said to her again? She tried to replay his monologue in her mind but his voice was slipping away. Damn it!

"Do you understand me, Jade?"

She nodded hollowly. 'Goddammit! Goddamn. Everything.'

The troll to her left placed a hand on her shoulder and scooted closer to her, the troll's knees almost on level with Jade's glasses. "Don't worry! We'll figure this out! People've recofured furrom purrtial amnesia befur, right, Dirk?"

There was no hesitation as not-Dave answered the oddly feline-like troll. "Absolutely. But I don't want to get your hopes up. It takes years to fully convalesce from all of the injuries you've suffered, and your memories will be the most elusive and infuriating bastards to capture again. Some will never come back. But you have to work at it, be strong in spite of their disappearance, and happier ones will, in time, take the place of the ones you lose forever. That's what you must think in order to regain many of them."

From the way he spoke, Jade would've thought that he'd had amnesia himself, but he corrected her without missing a beat. "Of course, I've never had the illness myself, but I read a lot and that's my favorite advice on the matter. Seems like the right direction to point a tough, action-oriented girl in."

He grinned and Jade couldn't help but smile broadly back at him. Dirk felt familiar to her now... not just as a version of or comparison to Dave but as a person all on his own; an intelligent, sophisticated young man who had all his shit together and was prepared to take on the world, whether to revel or abhor his destiny, whichever way he wanted at a moment's notice. He was more dangerous than Dave, but he was charming and Jade felt herself being drawn to his character.

'Thank you. We may have been the best of friends before the crash, and I'll definitely become close to you again.'

Suddenly there were loud cracks of breaking tree branches as something huge and hulking came smashing through the dense woods.

Dirk and the trolls to the right and left of Jade stood up immediately and charged at the monster coming down the path to the camp. This seemed incredibly foolhardy, but then again, Jade was sure they knew what they were doing. A boy like Dirk didn't just hop into fights willy-nilly, those two girls neither. Jade, Eridan and Tavros stayed right where they were but peered desperately into the trees to see where their friends had gone.

In a few minutes, however, Jade saw that there was no beast to fear. It was just a freakishly gigantic troll (who was undoubtedly Equius) carrying a beheaded, bloody dinosaur and Sollux with an arm slung around Karkat's shoulders, supporting the Cancer's hobble towards the campfire. Bringing up the rear were Dirk and the two female trolls, who were half-carrying and half-dragging a battered, blood-covered Gamzee.

B( ++++++++++++++++++++ B(

_Next chapter: Bath time with Gamzee and Jade! Remember how Jade's all dirty and Gamz is all dirty too? Welp, let's not waste our precious resources on separate bath times! Ehehehehe. Also next chapter: What kind of shampoo does Sollux use? How much weight can Equius lift? Does Karkat need a hug? And where the hell are Dave, John, Jake, Roxy and Jane? Those questions and more answered in chapter five! _

_Tell me who you think the two female trolls are! Not that I didn't include a lot of hints or anything... it's just a fun game. :)_


	5. Gamzee's Dying & Jade Feels Stupid

_Yo yo yo, my lovely readers! All right, so, this chapter kinda establishes a lot of things about certain characters. It's all very subtle, though, so you have to be very keen on it in order to figure stuff out. _

_And I'm really sorry to those of you who were anticipating a spicy bath scene, but that will have to come next chapter. Yeah, I apologize, but there was just a lot of stuff I had to get out of the way first and the chapter was getting really long. But next time, for motherfucking sure, next time there will be a hot n' saucy bath scene. Aw yeah. _

**DISCLAIMER: **_Nope, I don't own any of these hott characters or anythin' like that. I just really love Jade and her reverse harem, so that's what my mind's been on, and that's what I'm writing about. _

**REPLIES TO ANONS:**

_Okay, so, first off, thank you all very very much for complimenting my story. It's really great that all of you like it so much. I'm so happy. :D _

_To the Anons who are rooting for KarJade and DaveJade: I'll keep those pairings in mind. This _is_ a Jade's Reverse Harem fic, so everyone is going to get a chance to interact with her in a romantic/sexual way, but I still don't know who she's going to end up with. As a huge supporter of polyamory, I just want everyone to end up with her, but if my readers only want her to end up with one person, I guess that'll have to happen. I'll set up a poll or something near the end of the story and you'll have to vote in order for your pairing to come out on top. :)_

_To the Anon who appreciates that Eridan doesn't use fish puns: Lol, you're welcome. I'm sure you've noticed that he does use oceanic metaphors/similes, though. I've decided that he doesn't use fish puns as much outside of the chat logs, because there's really no reason for him to. I mean, who's going to notice if he uses the pun 'reely' instead of 'really' in everyday speech? They both sound exactly the same, and it's stupid if I type it out like that. I also find it really annoying when authors do that. _

_To the Anon who wants sexytimes between Karkles n' Jade: Oh, believe you me, there are going to be some awesome sex scenes... much later in the story. You've probably all noticed that this fic is moving along very slowly, and that's because 1) I'm the biggest fan of romantic tension ever and I'm subtly building up the heat between Jade and other characters and 2) I'm trying to make the story realistic. For instance, Jade's not just going to suddenly go all doki-doki over Sollux or someone and jump straight into bed with him/her. These kids are all still wounded, and they're trying to make a life for themselves on a scary, unfamiliar world. Sex has gotta be the last thing on their minds. _

_And now, without further ado, let's begin chapter 5! :33 (Nepeta's my patron troll, that's why I like to use those double smiley kitty faces. Who's _your_ patron troll?)_

:o) +++++++++++++++++++++++++++ (o:

Jade looked on in horror as Dirk and the two female trolls brought Gamzee over to the campfire. She couldn't see if the Capricorn was breathing or not, but as the four came into the light she could tell that he was knocked out. And he was bloody. Oh god was he bloody. She could smell the metallic, gory stench even from where she was sitting. It stung her eyes, but she did not close them. She just couldn't turn away from the frightening sight.

As fortune would have it, other movements in her periphery caught her attention. She instinctively looked to her right to see what it was that had moved. It was Equius, with his prize. Jade couldn't see him very clearly yet, as he skirted the fire's light (whether intentionally or by chance, she didn't know) and kept within the shadows. He did, however, look to be exceptionally strong, if the way he carried the dinosaur's heavy body was any indication. Jade expected he would drop the dead dino any minute and help in any way he could, and then she'd be able to get a good look at him.

Yet the huge troll didn't stop at the campfire. He only nodded in Eridan's, Tavros's, and Jade's general direction before moving on to one of the log cabins with the carcass still slung over his shoulder, as if it didn't weigh any more than a small knapsack. Jade stared after him in some wonderment. Perhaps he was going off to clean and salt the meat? But why now? Why would he just go off like that when _one of his friends was bleeding to death_?Did dinosaur meat go rotten that quickly? Or did he just not _care_? I mean, why else would he completely bypass this situation- AH!

A flash of a memory began to play back in her brain.

++++++++++++++++**STARTING FLASHBACK**++++++++++++++++

For one small second she saw Rose, all poker-faced as usual, trying not to smile at one of her bad jokes. Then her vision began shaking and she was tossed to the floor. The floor of what? Oh, the spaceship! She was tossed to the floor of the spaceship! What was happening? Oh. Oooooh. Her head was spinning. But, aha! She could see a solar system right outside the window! Yeah, all right! Yes, the spaceship was finally arriving at its destination! They were coming in for a landing! A bumpy landing, but a landing! The ship passed by several celestial bodies in a few seconds, then entered a planet's atmosphere. They whizzed right through a couple of atmospheric layers, down into- HOLY SHIT!

Rose kicked Jade across the floor, out of range. The green-eyed girl's head smacked against a windowpane, hard enough for her to see stars. She slid to the floor. Her vision grew dimmer and then came back, switching back and forth like a flickering bulb. She barely registered what happened next.

A huge, sharply contoured rock, jutting from the side of a mountain, slammed into the side of the ship. It tore a long, jagged hole through the length of it and probably took out one of the ship's engines, because the ship started to fall in height. Jade blinked and managed to stand up, but found her legs seemed rather wobbly. A voice was belting out over the intercom, but it sounded very panicky and she couldn't quite understand it. She looked to her left and right, then behind, and caught a reflection of herself. She was bleeding. And, oh, she could see beyond the ghostly image of her face. Through the window she marveled at blurry colors: Browns, greens, and the occasional spark of blue. What was going on?

She walked around, stumbling, and stepped on something that made her slip. She landed hard on her bottom, winced, shook her head, and looked for the thing that had caused her to fall.

Bright red juice?

Well, _that's_ weird. She reached out to the stain and let the liquid coat her fingers, then brought her hand to her lips.

Bluh! It tasted awful! Well, she shouldn't have taste-tested it anyway, even if it did look like tomato juice. That was the number one thing they warn you not to do when you go about investigating new or unfamiliar substances.

Huh, where did this stuff come from? She followed the trail of liquid to a... head.

It was a head.

It was Rose's decapitated, leaking head.

She had saved Jade from death, only to die herself. Oh, the absolute irony. The sad, terrifying, fucking irony of it all.

Jade began to scream, began flailing and scrambling away. Then the ship tilted and spun around and Jade couldn't control where her body was flung. Rose's head rolled all over the place and Jade finally couldn't take it anymore. Her friend's head would not be treated as if it was some inconsequential rubber ball!

The next time gravity brought the head close she caught it, scooped Rose's head up in her hands and held it, beheld it, and hugged it. Instead of screaming now she was sobbing, instead of clambering to safety she was rolling around on the floor like an idiot, unprotected from the inevitable crash. She would die if she didn't get to a safe room or strap down, would surely perish, and Rose would have died for nothing. But she didn't care at that moment; she was too caught up in this highly shocking and deeply distressing development to think of herself or for herself.

Then someone was lifting her to her feet, tearing the head from her hands and making her run, forcing her to sprint down the corridor. They were rounding the corner and she glimpsed someone with messy hair and wild eyes gesturing frantically for them to get inside a room- a safe room!- before the impact.

But she didn't make it.

++++++++++++++++**FLASHBACK COMPLETED**++++++++++++++++

Jade started to freak out a bit. Just a bit. She groaned and made some small, strangled, animal-like cries of desperation. Tears began to well up again, both trying to protect her eyes from the sting of blood-smell and to ease her frayed emotional state. She buried her face in her palms and began rocking herself, swearing externally and internally, whispering to anyone who was listening that she wouldn't see him die, couldn't see him die or she'd lose it... and they'd all die.

A pair of arms wrapped around her then. She started, gasped, looked up and craned her neck around to see who was touching her. It was the Taurus. Tavros was holding her from behind. He'd undoubtedly noticed that she was starting to choke up and did the only thing he knew to do. Physical comfort had a very strong calming effect for him personally, and he knew Jade was receptive to it as well.

She didn't struggle, but rather began to tremble. It seemed verbal comfort was also in order.

Tavros tucked a lot of her hair behind one of her ears and leaned in close to it. He started speaking in what he hoped was a soothing, very quiet voice, "It's okay Jade. It's okay. Everything is fine. Everyone is back safe and sound, yes. No one's been hurt..."

He continued on in this manner while Jade absorbed his words. Or rather, she took in his tone more than what he was saying. She closed her eyes and began to calm down. It really didn't take much. She was very practiced on her own at cooling down anyway; having another person there to help only sped up the process.

When she was relaxed enough (although she was still pretty shaken by the sudden return of that particular memory, there were other things to deal with at the moment), she allowed Tavros to maintain his hold on her. It felt nice to be enfolded in another's arms. And Tavros just kind of... fitted her. She thought about that while she watched Sollux bring Karkat to a log near them and help the Cancer to sit.

Dirk, the female troll with the Virgo symbol on her t-shirt, and the female with the Leo sign wearing a comically overlarge green overcoat set Gamzee against the log closest to Jade. The Capricorn immediately slumped over and his head fell directly onto Jade's lap. She couldn't say she hadn't expected that to happen; after all, he was unconscious and it was really stupid to leave him sitting up like that. But as it were, it took all of her willpower not to scream and shove him off.

His nose was oozing some purple liquid, but the rest of his body was splattered generously with bright red blood. Jade didn't think to check if he was actually bleeding from anywhere before she let out a quiet shriek and prepared to get away. Tavros retracted his arms from Jade's sides, correctly assessing that she needed to put some distance between herself and the Capricorn. The Taurus was also planning to do the same, and Eridan too; Gamzee's bloody body was starting to stink.

Jade removed Gamzee's head from her lap as gently as possible and crawled over to the log which Sollux and Karkat had settled down on. Jade scooted up next to the Gemini's legs and latched onto them, still seeking physical comfort, and perhaps an anchor.

Sollux didn't say or do anything to shake her off. He was tired and sweaty from running through the woods. Helping Karkat walk back to camp while pretending to listen to the crabby troll gripe about his injuries had worn him out further. He'd also been constantly checking on Gamzee, who at that time was being carried by Equius, to make sure the stupid idiot was still breathing. All Sollux wanted to do was eat and go to bed. He didn't really have the energy to admonish and/or kick Jade off.

"So, everything went better than expected, then?" the female with the Virgo sign asked.

'What? But, Gamzee is still bleeding to death!' Jade thought.

"Yeah, pretty much, Kanaya. We have a week's worth of dinner, Gamzee's down for the night- which means I won't have to keep an eye on him. But, oh, wait! I had to go and fucking trip over a stupid, inessential branch and mess up my ankle even more! I mean, what the hell? Every time I turn around I'm looking at more and more possibilities to mangle myself!"

Why the hell wasn't anyone paying attention to the fact that the Capricorn was bleeding all over the place! Jade tugged on Sollux's pants leg urgently, but he ignored her. She hissed and released him, proceeding on all fours to Gamzee. If no one else was going to help him then she would, despite pushing him away from herself at first. Her actions drew Tavros's attention.

"What's up, um, Jade?"

She brandished one of her arms towards Gamzee's blood-covered body with a look of disbelief on her face. How was everyone else totally oblivious to this poor boy's exsanguination?

"Oh, yeah. He's really starting to reek, isn't he?" said the female with the Leo symbol on her chest. "Hey, someone should give him a bath befur the scent spurreds to purredators in the area."

Jade nearly went into a conniption. 'Give him a bath? These people are all insane! He's dying and _they want to give him a bath._'

"I'll pass. My talocrural joint's fucking swelling up like a balloon and it hurts like a bitch. Besides, I've been on Gamzee duty since we got here. I know we're moirails, but we've gotta do our own things sometimes," Karkat groused.

Was everyone just too wrapped up in their own freakin' problems to realize that someone was dying here?

Jade gave an exasperated huff and moved herself closer to Gamzee's body. She began looking it over for cuts, but his clothes were way too blood-stained to see where any bleeding origin points were.

"Well, Dirk, Nepeta, and I already had our baths. In fact, we arrived at the campsite from the river right before you all burst out of the forest."

There was no other way for it but to take off his shirt to see where and what extent of damage was done. Jade looked over the article of clothing. It seemed every inch of it was soaked with blood; there was no clean place for her to grab onto to begin peeling off his shirt. Oh well, tough it out! Quickly, before he dies!

Sollux volunteered. "If everyone'th going to keep arguing about thith, I guethth I might ath well do it. I'm mad grungy anyway."

There were looks of approval and agreement all around the circle. Karkat and Sollux shared fatigued smiles.

"I'll, um, accompany you. If any creature, um, shows up, it'll have to, uh, answer to, er, me," Tavros helpfully offered.

The Gemini looked grateful for the assistance. "Thankth, Tav. I really apprethiate it."

Jade grabbed a section of the shirt and began to pull, which wasn't easy because the blood had already begun to dry and stick to the Capricorn's skin. Maybe that had helped stem the flow, but his wounds still needed to be treated ASAP!

"What are you doing, Jade?" Dirk, along with Eridan and the female troll Kanaya, had been observing Jade with interest over the past several minutes.

'What does it look like I'm doing, you moronic laggards!' Jade brushed off Dirk's question and continued to work on her task.

"Hey, do you think Gam's hurt?" Eridan asked the group at large. "I mean, he is bleedin' from the nose a bit, but it doesn't look broken or anythin'."

Jade questioned Eridan's eyesight for a brief moment before succeeding in ripping off a large part of the shirt. This, apparently, was enough to bring Gamzee back to consciousness.

"Ow! What the motherfuckin' motherfuck what it is you're doin'?" Gamzee sat up and suddenly Jade felt very small. "Oh, hey, sis. You're okay! Motherfuckin' seein' you is glad-makin'." The Capricorn looked around and his default grin soon returned to his face. "Look's like I'm back at the ol' motherfuckin' campin' grounds." He focused on Karkat. "My main man! Did we win?"

Karkat sighed and frowned, looked at his ankle while he spoke. "Yep. You killed it, but somehow you got underneath it as it fell. It crushed you. I tried to get it off, but..." He paused for a second, and then went on, "Luckily Sollux and Equius arrived in time, and Equius managed to lift it. Are you feeling okay?"

Gamzee nodded. "Feelin' motherfuckin' fine."

Jade was starting to feel rather silly. What had Eridan said? Something about Gamzee's nose bleeding? She looked at his nose closely, which was easy because he was not two feet away from her. Huh? All that was there, running from one of his nostrils to his chin, was a thin line of crusting purple stuff. She had noticed it before, but hadn't paid it any mind because, well, y'know. Did that mean that red _wasn't_ Gamzee's blood color? How very, very strange. Then again, he _was_ an alien. Just because he had blood didn't mean it had to be the same color as a human's. Jade could have kicked herself.

And as for everyone around her acting so nonchalantly about Gamzee's bloodstained clothes (except for the stink), _that _should have been her first clue as to why no one cared about his state. If he had actually been bleeding out, his friends would have done something. They all cared about him; they would not have let him die. She had made herself out to look like an idiot. Yet again.

The Capricorn began sniffing the air. "Motherfuck, something smells straight up nasty."

"That would be you, I'm afraid," Kanaya said. "It seems your opponent thought it appropriate to garb you in its red apparel, lest you forget your crowning victory."

"What?"

Kanaya giggled. "You're covered in the dinosaur's blood, my good fellow."

"Oh. Hey, that motherfuckin' demon drenched me! Bitchin'." Gamzee gazed down at himself, admiring the many red streaks splashed across his clothes and arms. "Whoa, clawbeast even liked a little piece of me. Took a rip outta my shirt, seems like."

"No, actually, I think you'll find someone else did that. Though why, we're still not sure," Dirk supplied.

Jade clenched the torn fabric. She should probably sow it back on for him or something. And yeah, she owed an explanation to the group too.

"Sla- swo- sorry," she said, addressing everyone around the campfire. She held the black, bloodstained piece of Gamzee's shirt out to him. She apologized again. "Sworrly." It didn't come out so well the second time, though, and she winced.

Karkat and Sollux did double takes. Gamzee merely smiled wider. The Capricorn took the cloth from her.

"It'll grow back," he reassured her, patting her on her shoulder in a friendly manner. Jade raised her eyebrows in confusion at Gamzee's odd suggestion, but nodded. He _was_ an alien. He wore alien clothes. Maybe their t-shirts really _did_ grow back if they were torn.

"Since when did Harley start talking lucidly again?" the Cancer asked, looking to Dirk for an explanation.

Dirk cleared his throat. "You mean she wasn't speaking clearly earlier? Were you with her when she woke up?"

"Yeah. Gamzee and I were both there. She woke up and, after I explained some stuff to her, she started babbling. I couldn't understand a word of it."

"Hm. Well, after Kanaya, Nepeta, and I arrived back from the river, she asked quite clearly who I was."

"She asked who you were? Are you sure?"

"Yes. Everyone else who was there can attest to that." Dirk gesticulated towards most of the group. Everyone included in the sweep of his arms nodded in agreement. Jade bobbed her head as well, remembering how surprised and happy she was when she had spoken clearly.

Karkat's eyes were immensely bright. "Does that mean she'll regain speech fairly quickly?"

Dirk's mouth was set in a grim line. "I'm not sure. When Roxy and the others get back with the equipment, we'll have to run some tests. And there's another complication. Something that, unfortunately, could be a severe impediment to her recovery."

Jade wasn't sure, but she thought she heard Karkat's breath hitch. "What? What is it?"

The white-haired boy steepled his fingers and re-directed his gaze to someone else. "Why don't you ask Sollux?"

"Huh?" Karkat turned to his friend, then back to Dirk. "Why would he know anything about it?"

Suddenly, Sollux interrupted. "Guyth. We can talk about thith later. Right now I'm tired and dirty and I want to have a thoak." He stood up, stretched, and then offered Gamzee a hand. "You too. Come on, or you're going to draw more hungry animalth thtraight to our camp."

"Okay," Gamzee said. He took the proffered hand, jumping up without the slightest bit of pull on Sollux's end.

"Wait, Sollux," Karkat began, but the Gemini was already halfway to the path that led down to the river. Gamzee followed him, unconcerned with his moirail's increasingly angry calls. Then they stepped onto the path and were out of sight.

Karkat's teeth clicked together when he closed his mouth. He looked quite mad with his low, furrowed brow, pursed lips, and crossed arms. Jade was frightened that he might start going off again in an even louder, more furious tone. Karkat was not as comical in real life as he was in chat logs when he was pissed off.

"He'll talk about it when he comes back," Dirk said, pushing his anime shades up his nose.

Karkat snarled. "Damn it, if my fucking ankle wasn't so fucking useless I'd make him talk right now!"

"Ooh, Karkitty, that sounded a bit dark," Nepeta remarked. "Say, Dirk, why do you think Sollux wanted to keep Jade's amnesia a secret?"

That got the Cancer's attention. He glanced at Dirk, who only had to nod to confirm it before Karkat was staring at the green-eyed girl with something akin to terror. No, wait, not terror...

Karkat pivoted in his seat to address Dirk again. "Are you fucking serious! Where do you fucking get off diagnosing her with fucking amnesia! She knows who we all are, she can't have-"

Dirk intervened before Karkat threw himself into a full-blown rage, a crease between his brows. "For the record, I think she has partial amnesia. You should've seen my reaction when she asked who I was. You know she and I are close. We are very good friends. And she can't remember me at all. She didn't even know my _name_. Partial amnesia isn't as serious as full-on amnesia, but it will take her some time to recover. Also, it won't do you any good to yell about it. There's a good chance, once Roxy and I perform the surgery to restore her speaking capabilities and balance, that her memory will come back."

It looked like Karkat was beginning to cool off. His expression and body language softened, became less aggressive, at least. "Don't tell me what to fucking do. I can yell whenever I fucking want, wherever I fucking want. How do you know her memory will come back?"

Dirk smirked. "Because I'm Dirk Motherfucking Strider, and I get shit done."

The Cancer snorted and waved a dismissive hand at the orange-eyed boy's machismo. "Yeah, fucking whatever. Just don't mess it up, all right? If you do, you'll answer to me."

It was really odd, watching two guys argue over her mental faculties and swearing to protect her with her sitting right there. On the one hand, she was just beginning to realize how much she meant to Dirk and Karkat both. On the other hand, she couldn't remember much of her time on the spaceship, so their dedication to her seemed... just a bit creepy.

"Challenge accepted," Dirk said. He looked over to Jade and grinned at her. "You're going to be okay, Jade. They'll be back with the equipment in a few days, and we'll take care of everything."

The rest of the group turned to the green-eyed girl too. They all smiled at her (well, Eridan didn't, but he was a jerk), and buoyed her spirits up with similar confident claims. Jade beamed widest of all and thanked everyone for their support (except for the fishy fuckass).

When she caught Karkat's eyes, she held his gaze for several seconds longer than necessary. The Cancer took a deep breath and said, "We are going to get through this, Harley, and we'll be able to say it made you a survivor, a stronger person, because of it. Strider knows what he's doing, I'm completely sure of it. So we've just gotta... trust in his judgment and hope for the best."

'Why's he making it sound like he and I are a team in this? I'm the only one with amnesia.' Still, Jade managed to say a coherent thanks to him, to which the Cancer gave a small smile.

"Let's eat," Nepeta suggested, and everybody agreed that it was time for dinner. Jade, by this point, was feeling quite ravenous. Eridan doled out the plates, and Jade finally had her first bite of real food in a week. Mm, it was delicious. The seadweller really _did_ know how to cook. Tasted like chicken.

Halfway through the meal, Tavros remembered his promise to Sollux about keeping predators away from the river. "Oh, shit. I forgot, um, about-"

"Don't bother. They'll be back anytime now," Nepeta said.

Tavros worried his lip. "Yeah, but, um, maybe I'll just go, uh, check on them."

"Take Jade with you," Kanaya advised. In an aside to the green-eyed girl, she said, "Not to offend you, dear, but you need a wash too."

Jade was finished with her plate, and she was fairly full, but she didn't know if it was such a good idea for her to go with Tavros. Although she did feel like bathing, she didn't want to do it in the presence of males. Especially males she didn't know! Or rather, had no memories of. And besides, she didn't want to bathe in the dark, and she didn't have any shampoos or conditioners or soaps-

"Um, okay," Tavros said. "C'mon, let's go."

Jade fervently shook her head.

"You don't, uh, want to go?"

Well, yeah! Why else would she be refusing to stand up? Besides the fact that she had serious vertigo, anyway.

Dirk spoke up, "She can go tomorrow morning."

Jade cast a grateful look to Dirk. She thought he winked in response, but she couldn't be sure, because of his shades.

"Um, tomorrow morning? We'll all be, er, sleeping by then..."

Huh? Sleeping?

"You misunderstand me. I think she'd rather not-"

"And who are you to say what she'd rather do and what she'd rather not do, hm, Strider?" Karkat broke in with an annoyed tone.

Dirk sighed. He glanced at Jade, who was kind of confused by this whole situation. Why the heck would Kanaya think it was appropriate for Jade to go bathing when Sollux and Gamzee were already in the river? Did troll culture just not have any qualms about opposite genders bathing together, like the Japanese, or was there just a huge misunderstanding here? Had Jade regularly bathed with the trolls, males and females alike, aboard the ship? Damn if this wasn't the best time in her life for her to have fucking amnesia, of all the things that could've happened to her!

"What's wrong with her going to bathe now? If Jade waits until morning, she won't have anyone to purrotect her from the clawbeasts," Nepeta chimed in.

Dirk seemed like he was considering something, then he shook his head and said, "Well, that is true..."

Whose side was he on! And she could protect herself, thank you very much. Waitaminute. Where was her sylladex?

The white-haired boy looked up to find Jade's eyes wide and centered on him. He cracked a grin and said, "Best to grin and bear it, Jade. Or should I say, bare it? Heh heh."

What the hell was he talking about?

"Oh, it will be fun, Jade. For some reason you and Rose never wanted to bathe with us on the spaceship. Now you'll see what a good bonding time it can be. We'll have to bathe together tomorrow evening," Kanaya said, smiling as Tavros hoisted Jade up when she couldn't quite seem to stand properly. "Enjoy yourself."

It was kind of futile to say no. Most everyone (except, again, Eridan) was egging her on, encouraging her, and she allowed Tavros to help her walk. Dirk had the smallest of smirks on his face, like he thought the outcome of her experience would be most interesting to hear.

Well, Jade was nothing if not an explorer and an investigator. And she was very brave, too. Even if she was a bit wary of this whole set-up, she could always laugh about it later, right? Right. This wasn't such a big deal, it really wasn't. She had known the trolls all her life, and they knew her... well enough! What could possibly go wrong?

And the answer to that was, unsurprisingly, a lot.

XD +++++++++++++++++++++++++++ XD

_I'll see you guys in steamy chapter 6, where Jade gets down to some sweet, sweet soaking in the river. Uh-huh, that's right. :D Feel free to leave comments and/or questions, and I'll do my best to answer your queries. :)_

_Answers to the questions I posed last chapter: _

_1) What kind of shampoo does Sollux use? _

_Answer: _Herbal Essences: None of Your Frizziness.

_2) How much weight can Equius lift? _

_Answer: Since he's so _STRONG, _I'd imagine he can lift a fuck ton more than his own body mass. _

_3) Does Karkat need a hug? _

_Answer: Oh gog yes. Have you seen how grumpy he is lately? Also, my friend Anon said: _"...Yes, Karkat does need a hug. And a kiss. And sex. With Jade." _See my response to this Anon's suggestion at the beginning of the chapter. :33_

_4) Where the hell are Dave, John, Jake, Roxy and Jane?_

_Answer: Why, they're off to see the wizard-! Oops, wrong fanfiction. Actually, they're scavenging the group's spaceship that crashed in the valley, looking for viable parts. You'll meet them soon enough. _


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